Questioning and exploring our sexuality/gender identity can be overwhelming, emotional and confusing.
We can spend an enormous amount of time reflecting, considering and trying to use our thinking minds to figure out who we are and how to put ourselves out into the world.
While thinking about it can get us some of the way, we can actually use our somatics to land deeper and more authentically into ourselves. What we don’t realise is that the body always has the answer that our minds are seeking – we just aren’t always allowing it to tell us the truth.
What do I mean when I say we can use somatic work to help navigate our identity?
There are two ways I want to cover in the following text.
1) A somatic practice when it all becomes way too overwhelming
2) A somatic practice to explore and discover your identity
a somatic practice to cool down an overwhelmed system
So when we exist as queers in a world where it still feels unsafe and sometimes even dangerous to express our identity, our nervous system can get highly activated. We can end up stuck in a stress cycle of living in a fight/flight/freeze/fawn reaction. Spending all our energy and effort to survive in our day-to-day lives. It’s fucking exhausting!
And how do we get out of the horror, stress and trauma cycles that we are in the midst of the hurricane?
This is where somatic work can be very helpful.
Somatics is about working with our system as a whole: mind, body & soul.
Where traditional therapy often uses the mind first to get an understanding of our stories, our thinking and reaction to then heal the body, somatic work is a body-first approach. Healing bottom and up, from our bodies, which then leads to healing our souls and often times gives us an understanding afterwards.
Here is a 10-step somatic practice you can try yourself. If you are not used to working somatically, have some patience with yourself.
a 10 step somatic practice to calm the system
- First, find a comfortable position. It can be a good idea to sit up straight with your legs crossed. This helps you stay present and grounded.
- Start by taking a few deep breaths, letting yourself become aware of your body.
- Become an observer of your body and mind. Acknowledge the thoughts that come in, letting them pass through the mind. Observe the emotions you are holding/bringing with you. Notice the energy that is within you and around you
- Notice the feelings/thoughts that are overwhelming to you in this moment.
- Explore these, by asking yourself: Where in the body do I feel this? What exactly does it feel like? You can even give this piece an image if this helps you.
- Keep staying very present with yourself and with this overwhelming emotion.
- Allowing movement into this moment. If this is difficult, try to explore it by moving randomly and see if the movement matches the emotion/piece.
- Sounding, if this emotion wants to express itself by sound
- When it feels complete; when you feel a natural calmness has come forth in your body. Find stillness and get back to the original position.
- Put a hand to your heart, finding a natural flow of breath. Finding a place of gratitude within you and take a moment to land into this new sensation.
Now, this practice is mostly body-based; you may find there is no thinking resolution to this. This practice is a 10-step practice to get your body back to a more safely adjusted pace. Though this is a cooldown of the system, you may discover something new. But this next practice is a more in depth version to explore identity.
A somatic practice to explore and discover your identity
Maybe you are exploring your identity and in the middle of figuring out who the heck am I? Or why on earth am I feeling like I haven’t figured it out yet?
Maybe you’ve gone further than that but are still missing a piece, like you cannot get all the way there just be thinking about who you are.
This next part is about how we can use somatic work as a way to explore our identity.
Our bodies contain wisdom that we cannot even fathom with our minds. Unlocking some of that through regular practice, patience and a dash of courage, we can use some of that power and wisdom to explore our challenges and/or entanglements.
I have put together one way, one practice, that can help unlock a bit of that deep wisdom for us and shed some light upon our existential questioning of our identity.
Now this is a bit more complicated practice to explore and discover your identity. You might want to find a somatic coach who can help you guide you into deeper levels of the somatic work. But if you are practised in working with somatic, tantric or other alternative healing methodologies, I have put together a guide for you to try at home.
a 10 step somatic exploration of identity
- First, find a comfortable position. It can be a good idea to sit up straight with your legs crossed. This helps you stay present and grounded.
- Start by taking a few deep breaths, letting yourself become aware of your body.
- Become an observer of your body and mind. Acknowledge the thoughts that come in, letting them pass through the mind. Observe the emotions you are holding/bringing with you. Notice the energy that is within you and around you. Notice the feelings/thoughts that are overwhelming to you in this moment.
- Request your body to have one of your identities emerge. Now, allow your body/mind to bring something up without forcing your thinking mind to create or push something. If this is difficult, you can formulate it as a question, e.g.: “What identity within me wants to come to the surface and meet me?” After asking, wait and see what naturally comes up. The difficult part of this is that you are using your mind in correlation to your body. This can sometimes be difficult/unclear when you are purely using your thinking mind, and when is it that your mind is working together with your body? A way to help you navigate this is to always bring awareness to the body. Does this have a place of existence? Does it feel like my body is following? If we are purely in mind, then we tend to forget our bodies. So observe yourself and see if you are present with your whole self.
- Converse with the emerging identity: Start a conversation between you and your identity. It may sound funky, but this is where you might learn something new about yourself. You can ask yourself questions like: “Why did you emerge?” “What guidance can you give me to navigate my life at this moment?” “What wisdom do I need to know to take the next step in my healing journey?” You probably have your own set of questions that you need to ask. When you have asked a question, take the time to let the body/mind identity piece speak. Maybe key things will surface, or sometimes nothing but stillness will meet you.
- When it feels complete take a moment to merge together with this identity. Becoming one again.
- Allowing movement into this moment. Letting your body react becoming bodily familiar with this identity.
- Sounding, if you need to express yourself by sound.
- When it feels complete; when you feel a natural calmness has come forth in your body. Find stillness and get back to the original position.
- Put a hand to your heart, finding a natural flow of breath. Finding a place of gratitude within you, and take a moment to land into this new sensation.
These types of practices are not easy, especially if you haven’t touched much upon somatic, spiritual work before. As mentioned before you may need to find a facilitator or a coach who can help guide you into deeper states of transformation. If you want that to be me, feel free to email me or book a free call through my booking system.
Working with sexual identity or questions of gender identity, somatic work can help you navigate the states of confusion and feelings of safety.
If you’re curious to know more, feel free to send an email my way, or if you want to work with me directly, book a free discovery call through my online booking system.
Know that you are not alone, and you don’t have to go through this journey by yourself.
With appreciation,
Maja Takatomi
Love & Queerness Coach
coach@majatakatomi.com